Big Tony

Being a Star Wars,
Battlestar Galactica man I myself, I usually choose to watch all sci-fi,
futuristic or logically thought provoking films as my first choice. Though in

China

, one ends
up watching whatever is new, and end up wishing there was a reverse and play
button on life, where you could get you last 1 hour and 45 minutes back from
watch crap. Not that Irish Jam or Keeping Mum, didn’t have their places in the
cosmic order of things, just that they didn’t fit my frame of mind, when I
watched them or probably ever would.

Movies like King Kong should be watched on the big screen, and although I
tried, after watching an ADD version of the knock off, where the DVD player had
good and bad moments, I still wasn’t able to catch it in the theater. So as
with all films, it usually makes it before my eyes as a DVD, or download, even
before I see an Ad for it, or hear about it.

Once in a while, you DO find a movie, that makes you go, hum… but usually
it’s like when To Kill a Mocking Bird was assigned reading in high school. You
read it grudgingly, and didn’t realize the back ground and deeper reflections
about racial situations or the coming of age of Harper. Only a bit, at a time
while reading the Cliff Notes or watching the black and white movie. Little
bits of realization as I too grew up over the years listening to others make
references to TKAMB.  What memories I had of it was the jungle fever the
white girl had, and Boo Radley the spook.

Today, I was reminded of Boo.

Watching Capote today was like reading To Kill a Mocking Bird. A bit at a time.

Now a days, my entertainment is either download off of mininova, on demand, off
of Sat, or from DVD. Usually with DVDs I let it run, while I do other things,
so the house does not seem so quiet and empty. Sometimes, I will play downloads
on my laptop even, and still have the DVD on.

So, it was with 3-4 tries, that I have even gotten this far with Capote. (The
DVD is on pause, while I jot down this entry. My memory is not like before, and
if I don’t write it, the muse evaporates. — not that there were grand to begin
with, but just somehow punctuating) and as always, epiphanic moments are best
when they come unexpected.

The connect a dot mapping your subconscious does. That Nelle was Truman’s
neighbor and protector. That Nelle was Harper Lee.

Harper Lee , the author of To Kill A Mocking Bird was widely known to have
based Dill, the inquisitive boy on Truman Capote. But, while watching Capote,
you come to realize that he is gay, and Nelle, his neighbor was
"actually" his protector "bodyguard" in youth. So much so,
that perhaps Boo Radley may have actually been the homosexual persona of
Truman. The one ego that everyone knows about, but no one talks about. The
prejudice against and curiosity with Boo, even as young children tried to put
into words but could not and thus came out as "phantom".

The misunderstanding of general society and somehow strange shame to be locked
away. That which SF has embraced but the rest of

America

was only forced to deal
with because of HIV.

It occurred to me a few minutes ago that although Nelle wrote about race
prejudice, she also may have hinted toward the other prejudice, homosexuality,
which she protected while she was Truman’s neighbor.

Truman wrote Breakfast at Tiffany’s and eventually, "In Cold
Blood".  Strangely, it seems that Perry Smith was also a homosexual,
and there might have been more to the murders than Truman knew society was
willing to accept, or that the non-fictional novel can point out back in the
60s.

Same with To Kill A Mocking Bird, it too may have been swift under the rug,
only to be rat ionized into 2 person/ egos and explained as a result of victim
of red neck violence and a misguided youth.

So, it is with much curious impatience that I finish this entry, so that I may
return to Capote to see if there was an underlying plot theme to the movie.

Hopefully, after that 24 and Sopranos would have downloaded, to distract me
from finishing the copywriting for the new site. Procrastination comes in many
forms, most of which manifests in the entry above.

Found this funny.

Written from a white gal to a good ABC girl friend.

"all you asian girls are just americans with your american accents, and
your american sandals, and your american eating habits… so DON’T
pretend you’re exotic!"

I am just a China man with an American passport and american eating habits. My perceptions are my own.

I don’t count myself in the least bit exotic in the US, except for the one time, we drove into the Santa Cruz mountains through a little town. (This was 1.5 hour away south west of super international SF), and walked into the super market. We felt like animals in a zoo. I don’t think the residents there have ever seen China man other than those that built the US railroads from their grandpa s time. Exotic means, more interesting than normal. My feeling was just that of being "alien". Like it said on my "Alien Resident Card" at the time.

Have you seen a white man on a China bus? On this bus of all china reds, one sick dude was yacking out the window, but all attention was on my 3rd generation Italian-Swiss American friend, who had a head of golden Fro. He tried to look calm among the sea of slainted eyes, even when 2 kids were stroken the blond hair on his calf in awed silence. If the adult thought it would have been normal, they themself would have tried to cop a feel.

Exotic is a perception. Rareness that has to do with the perceivers worldliness.

But for those who trully believe they are exotic,  and behave like it,  they are truly "special".

Just be a sex goddess.   

Lap Dance video by N.E.R.D. @ VideoCodeZone.com

Oops, I did it again.

Went overboard during the vacations.

Time to stay warmer, and work some.

Mediocrity is a bell curve. What some considers outrageous and wild is normal to others. Envy and social peer comparison is a vanity. Reality is not affected by perception, yet perception of reality is hardly ever unbiased.

Appreciate what you have; the cup is half full. Try to fill the other half of the cup and then find a bigger cup.

An old friend left last week. A friend who had lived with us in Shanghai for the last 9 years, and a total of 13 years in China. He opened his house to us, and introduced all of the old crew to each other. He left, because he has given up on him being in China. A new begining I would like to look at it.

The trials and tribulations surpassing his tolerance once too many. Education, Job, Startup, Marriage, Divorce, he experienced them all here.

We experienced them with him.

I look back and I often find myself talking to new comers like he did when I met him. Bring new people into the group as he did. I remember being offered the keys to his house the second time I met him. Being told, that if I needed help of anything at all, just to ask.

I think my version to the new comers 7-8 years later tend to sound a bit more gangster, but never intended in a bad way or drunken boasting.  Afterall, no one is really proud of having to bail ppl out of jail, deal with over due visas, or find ppl jobs, or cream for that crab infestation. So, no altho we mean it, we really don’t like to be called up on it.

Certainly I look more thuggish in my quiet ways, and he, a skinny white boy with reddish hair with Irish-Scottish roots with constant stand up comedy material and drunken angst tend to be perceived in opposites. I wore more black and heavy cashmere coats while he dressed preppy. But the reality is, we were both the same. Friendly, kind, loud bark on the outside, and soft inside.

We both can not stand injustice nor see a kid left out, the image reminded us, as most adults are, by our own childhood memories.

This Jan 2006, both he and I have changed. He is resigned and looking forward to a new adventure back on the East Coast after 13 years. I am relaxed, and much friendlier after 7-8 month of reflection, travel and relaxation.

The change is evident. Social balance and group indoctrination loses out to a thirty something’s focus on business, family, and the search for the 40something comfort zone.

The words Team Taiwan, Team ABC, CBC, HK, White boys, are a thing of the past. New teams are forming, and we are no longer on them, yet do not feel left out. It is time for the younger generation to shine, and the slightly older to focus. After all, many a Yuko’s have stepped in to break up a good thing. If you consider marudering gangs of hormone driven males and females good. We wish the couples the best and secretly envy them.

I still laugh when someone mentions “god father”. After all, bailing ppl out of jail is no longer a necessary thing, nor tolerable thing at this age. Some will make reference to my father’s early leadership to a facility service- building maintenance association, as god father ish, and I jokingly refer to Dad as OG, but the stories of the older generation in the 60s, 70s and 80s are turning into myths, certainly because memories blur and stories mutate.

Dad is always remembered as a determined old man, who put his family first by people who knows him well.

The glory or sins of the older generation, do not shadow nor validate us. Big Tony actually refers to my squat shape, not some confusion with Mafioso characters or an amateur fettish with Soprano. This does remind me of my body mass/ fat ratio plans up to April 2006. I have quite a few more Kg to go.

I have to stop drinking so I can stop smoking. Been stealing cigs sheepishly lately.

Health is still #1. After all, genetics is how god equalizes all human transactions. And the glory and sins of an older generation can be relevant, when hereditary health issues kick in after HGH count lowers. I better be healthy, or my 70s will be painful.

One friend will comment to me that my posts are so "big". Saying it much in the same way as a unwilling fluffer talks to Ron Jeremy: sarcastic , and patronizing phalic way. Bigger is not better. Not to be confused with friends who read my musings perhaps to find reflections of Shanghai, and unspoken insights intuitively known, yet not verbally pronounced. At least that is what I would like to believe they read it for. Who really knows why?

I don’t believe this friend has ever really read an entire post. Tho, it’s unimportant. Musings are meant to be expressed and not judged and are not reality, for they are defintiely the perception of a self proclaimed wall flower, and to be taken on faith with a bit of salt.

Best,

Adizes’ description of the first five stages of the corporate life cycle are of particular importance here:

* The Courtship stage, in which the would-be company founder focuses on ideas and possibilities, gives way to
   

* the Infancy stage when the founder assumes risk. During this phase the long hard days worked by the founder center on generating revenues, with little focus on controls, systems or procedures. Many businesses never make it out of this phase, either because of financial failure or because the founder prefers the short-term pressures and emphasis on producing results today over generating creative ideas and pursuing long term opportunities. Businesses that reach
   

* the subsequent Go-Go stage are led by a founder who organizes around people rather than functions and retains most of the significant decision-making himself.
   

* The Adolescence stage comes next, marked by the birth of an operations management structure. Unfortunately, the old-timers often resent the new attempts at structure and frequently conflict interferes with serving customers. The next stage, and the desirable one, Adizes calls
   

* the Prime stage. It is here that clarity of vision returns accompanied by the balance of flexibility and control.

The Adolescence to Prime stage is often times, when entrepreneurs are replaced by qualified COO and CEOs. In fact the COO and CEOs help to introduce the operations management structures, while the founder keeps the clarity of vision, flexibility and control.

The state of mind before you fall asleep can determine not only how well you sleep but also how your day was, and what mental state you are in.

1. wide awake , and have to force yourself to sleep- because your day has been boring and uneventful. reserved for lazy trust fund babies, slackers, boring jobs, or self employed.
2. drunk and passed out - so wired, boozed up, or partied out, that your brain no longer functions, and sleep is acheived before taking off clothing or sometimes even reaching the bed.
3. stressed tired - brain is worn out from the days fire fighting, and tomorrows uncertainity and impending failure. REM may not be reached, and perhapes in a constant state of nightmares and flashbacks of self doubt.
4. busy tired - a relatively satisfying day of both emotionaly, spiritual or intellectual tiredness in which REM is reached within 10 minutes of lying down.
5. physically tired - body shuts down and takes the brain with it, forcing REM immediately irregardless of morning alarms, or pissed off significant others.

For anyone who has been through final exams, waiting for clients decision, law suit, strike, startup, tax audit, boot camp, football 2 a days, p-scan individuals, dysfunctional families, or just boredom, then one have most likely experienced all 5 types.

Preferences, personally,

I would take busy tired
over, physical tired
over wide awake
over drunk & passed out
over stress tired

A life is considered good if it is a mixture of the first 4 preferences, rather than a combination of the last 3.

Just finished, Arrested Dev, The Job, Undeclared, Over There, and other TV shows. A week of low work load, and high amount of free time, have allowed for lots of TV time. The mindlessness of it all, and the time for full 8 hour nights have resulted in an extremely clear head.

Clear enough to think about the path for 2006.

Same resolutions discovered during the 2005 break will carry on to the new year.

Simplicity, focus, humble, and effectiveness.  Work only 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, and take a total of 2 month off during the year.

Goals are still to start 1-3 new cash flow or trading type of business, that are less client service intensive and internet based. 1. Testing the VIP website, and finishing the 2. GDpro professional networking website is key for Jan. 3.Quick response for Modufab RFQ will be the next goal before the visits by potential buyers in April.

4. In the midst of the new activity, move Hsiehs Env, and find 2 more contracts, and 5. decorate the new apt for rental.

Personally, I will be cutting out drinking, and club going so I can continue to quit smoking. I will also need to reduce another 10 lbs in the next couple of month for the overall blood pressure/ pre diabetic improvements. That’s 1 lb/ week. Not smoking have brought back some of the appetite.

Still need to make an beginning of the year decision for a 25K preferred loan to a potential investment. But all other hobby projects for property, investment in F&B, are in the back burners. Advice for other people’s project will be kept to a manageable min until, my own projects have been completely vetted. For focus reasons, no action will be planned for anything else; interest in the film, education, game, and sponsorship will be on an information collection only basis.

On a spiritual level, I will need to adjust self worth, super ego, and balance for a 30ish man. Without hype, image, and self expansion associated with material possessions, importance, or perceived influence. The re-adjusted self image will be that of a man, who can travel alone without feeling lonely, who can date without having commitment phobia, who can operate a stable company without becoming bored or stifled, and someone who will put his health first before social and  peer obligations. 

This course of action has already been started March 2005, and will be continued to a satisfactory degree, suitable for a 40s maturity. It’s a refinement of personal growth. 20s are comfortably put away, and getting to a comfortable 40s is the goal.

At the same time, sky diving, scuba diving, vacations and more dates. T&L Discovery channel.

Finally, Summer of 2008, to go bi-coastal. Should be doable in 2006, with the support of my family.

An exciting year.

The only TV show, where the cast talks like my friends. (other than OC).

Like bladerunner, Chinese is actually part of the vocabulary.

The cast will break out in Mandarine swear words like TMD and exclaimations like " He lost his head", etc.

Firefly is a cowboy space show, that looks alot like Anime: Cowboy bebop and Outlaw Star:

Serenity is the movie based off the TV show Firefly. Good stuff I must say.If there was a sci-fi adventure show to bring to China, this should be it. IPTV it.

   
   

 

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of 20

 

Nice to discover a TV series, I have never seen.

And nice to know I can download it in 24 hours from torrent.

T

Some point the night before taking off for Macau, I ended up seeing a big % of friends in Shanghai.

Enoch’s GF from BJ came down for the MTV talent competition, and the support rally group brought together some.

The after party @ Guandi, and Cartier after party group @ 97, and the game Dev crew all converged Friday night.

Had one of the most fun nights but lost my voice.

Then flew to Macau with M and Mark on Sat at 3:40. Almost didn’t make my flight, but Mark streamlined the entire process. The pudong airport should get him to consult.

Mark had this Moto fun that could Google and download email. (Efficiently). It cost him 200 rmb/ a week for everything, for 500 minutes and 500 kbs of download? Why do I have the 560 Rmb package with the crappy fun. I want that one. Heard it cost 2600 rmb. Gonna wait till 2006, and get it.

Macau was a cool experience. The temperature, the gambling at Sands, Baccarat, and C Stud Poker with 900 HKD swings. Too much for my budget, but ended being up 1500 HKD at one point, and then back down to bare bones. Good thing I budgeted right.

Total trip was 27 hrs. Had loads of fun. Think I will do this once every 4 month. (put away 1500/ month as the fun budget)

Been out of APNC since March now, and last week, took the APNC email acct off my outlook.  The separation is almost complete and a chapter of my pre 30th is over.

All my start-ups should show result in early 2006. If they become hobbies, or are actually money makers. This is the year to prove the concept and solidify the niche and rev model.

It’s an exciting year, and all that I have learned in the past from Forum experience sharing, my other biz, and human nature, will apply.

P-Scan and B-Scan will be a good one. Used to spot trouble individuals who may be too aggressive or disruptive to the team effort. Glory hounds, egomaniacs, liars, and two faced individuals filtered prior to interaction. If someone get through my fire wall, then a quick purging and virus check should clear the ailment up.

Don’t have the energy and health to deal with it. Already not enough time, to make loot, and opportunities like Sh, only come around once in centuries.

The goal to move back to the US in 2.5 years is still active. But, the process to determine , how to move back, and how to generate more active income in the US, and more secondary cash flow may take longer than I am planning for now.

Good challenges. It will be interesting to see how it goes.

On a cool note, my EOs group in Shanghai is now 25 ppl. Something, that the founding chapter members started 4 years ago after EAC started is now self-sustaining.

A testament to perseverance, and good people.

Shanghai is freezing over, and winter is fully felt.  I am thinking of bedding down for hibernation.

Especially since the last big night out resulting in me sumo wrestling with the a bunch of friends.

Sigh, it’s really time to give the liver a rest, and find a warm body to curl up with.

2005, the last year with APNC!
Diesel is a HIT!

New concepts!
Boot strapping, organic growth, keep the original investment low, so there is a quicker return on investment. But the time to hire new staff will be unavoidable.

Looking for detailed web process planner to help manage all 3 websites, and manage online content and leads.