Big Tony

Mediocrity is a bell curve. What some considers outrageous and wild is normal to others. Envy and social peer comparison is a vanity. Reality is not affected by perception, yet perception of reality is hardly ever unbiased.

Appreciate what you have; the cup is half full. Try to fill the other half of the cup and then find a bigger cup.

An old friend left last week. A friend who had lived with us in Shanghai for the last 9 years, and a total of 13 years in China. He opened his house to us, and introduced all of the old crew to each other. He left, because he has given up on him being in China. A new begining I would like to look at it.

The trials and tribulations surpassing his tolerance once too many. Education, Job, Startup, Marriage, Divorce, he experienced them all here.

We experienced them with him.

I look back and I often find myself talking to new comers like he did when I met him. Bring new people into the group as he did. I remember being offered the keys to his house the second time I met him. Being told, that if I needed help of anything at all, just to ask.

I think my version to the new comers 7-8 years later tend to sound a bit more gangster, but never intended in a bad way or drunken boasting.  Afterall, no one is really proud of having to bail ppl out of jail, deal with over due visas, or find ppl jobs, or cream for that crab infestation. So, no altho we mean it, we really don’t like to be called up on it.

Certainly I look more thuggish in my quiet ways, and he, a skinny white boy with reddish hair with Irish-Scottish roots with constant stand up comedy material and drunken angst tend to be perceived in opposites. I wore more black and heavy cashmere coats while he dressed preppy. But the reality is, we were both the same. Friendly, kind, loud bark on the outside, and soft inside.

We both can not stand injustice nor see a kid left out, the image reminded us, as most adults are, by our own childhood memories.

This Jan 2006, both he and I have changed. He is resigned and looking forward to a new adventure back on the East Coast after 13 years. I am relaxed, and much friendlier after 7-8 month of reflection, travel and relaxation.

The change is evident. Social balance and group indoctrination loses out to a thirty something’s focus on business, family, and the search for the 40something comfort zone.

The words Team Taiwan, Team ABC, CBC, HK, White boys, are a thing of the past. New teams are forming, and we are no longer on them, yet do not feel left out. It is time for the younger generation to shine, and the slightly older to focus. After all, many a Yuko’s have stepped in to break up a good thing. If you consider marudering gangs of hormone driven males and females good. We wish the couples the best and secretly envy them.

I still laugh when someone mentions “god father”. After all, bailing ppl out of jail is no longer a necessary thing, nor tolerable thing at this age. Some will make reference to my father’s early leadership to a facility service- building maintenance association, as god father ish, and I jokingly refer to Dad as OG, but the stories of the older generation in the 60s, 70s and 80s are turning into myths, certainly because memories blur and stories mutate.

Dad is always remembered as a determined old man, who put his family first by people who knows him well.

The glory or sins of the older generation, do not shadow nor validate us. Big Tony actually refers to my squat shape, not some confusion with Mafioso characters or an amateur fettish with Soprano. This does remind me of my body mass/ fat ratio plans up to April 2006. I have quite a few more Kg to go.

I have to stop drinking so I can stop smoking. Been stealing cigs sheepishly lately.

Health is still #1. After all, genetics is how god equalizes all human transactions. And the glory and sins of an older generation can be relevant, when hereditary health issues kick in after HGH count lowers. I better be healthy, or my 70s will be painful.

One friend will comment to me that my posts are so "big". Saying it much in the same way as a unwilling fluffer talks to Ron Jeremy: sarcastic , and patronizing phalic way. Bigger is not better. Not to be confused with friends who read my musings perhaps to find reflections of Shanghai, and unspoken insights intuitively known, yet not verbally pronounced. At least that is what I would like to believe they read it for. Who really knows why?

I don’t believe this friend has ever really read an entire post. Tho, it’s unimportant. Musings are meant to be expressed and not judged and are not reality, for they are defintiely the perception of a self proclaimed wall flower, and to be taken on faith with a bit of salt.

Best,

Adizes’ description of the first five stages of the corporate life cycle are of particular importance here:

* The Courtship stage, in which the would-be company founder focuses on ideas and possibilities, gives way to
   

* the Infancy stage when the founder assumes risk. During this phase the long hard days worked by the founder center on generating revenues, with little focus on controls, systems or procedures. Many businesses never make it out of this phase, either because of financial failure or because the founder prefers the short-term pressures and emphasis on producing results today over generating creative ideas and pursuing long term opportunities. Businesses that reach
   

* the subsequent Go-Go stage are led by a founder who organizes around people rather than functions and retains most of the significant decision-making himself.
   

* The Adolescence stage comes next, marked by the birth of an operations management structure. Unfortunately, the old-timers often resent the new attempts at structure and frequently conflict interferes with serving customers. The next stage, and the desirable one, Adizes calls
   

* the Prime stage. It is here that clarity of vision returns accompanied by the balance of flexibility and control.

The Adolescence to Prime stage is often times, when entrepreneurs are replaced by qualified COO and CEOs. In fact the COO and CEOs help to introduce the operations management structures, while the founder keeps the clarity of vision, flexibility and control.

The state of mind before you fall asleep can determine not only how well you sleep but also how your day was, and what mental state you are in.

1. wide awake , and have to force yourself to sleep- because your day has been boring and uneventful. reserved for lazy trust fund babies, slackers, boring jobs, or self employed.
2. drunk and passed out - so wired, boozed up, or partied out, that your brain no longer functions, and sleep is acheived before taking off clothing or sometimes even reaching the bed.
3. stressed tired - brain is worn out from the days fire fighting, and tomorrows uncertainity and impending failure. REM may not be reached, and perhapes in a constant state of nightmares and flashbacks of self doubt.
4. busy tired - a relatively satisfying day of both emotionaly, spiritual or intellectual tiredness in which REM is reached within 10 minutes of lying down.
5. physically tired - body shuts down and takes the brain with it, forcing REM immediately irregardless of morning alarms, or pissed off significant others.

For anyone who has been through final exams, waiting for clients decision, law suit, strike, startup, tax audit, boot camp, football 2 a days, p-scan individuals, dysfunctional families, or just boredom, then one have most likely experienced all 5 types.

Preferences, personally,

I would take busy tired
over, physical tired
over wide awake
over drunk & passed out
over stress tired

A life is considered good if it is a mixture of the first 4 preferences, rather than a combination of the last 3.

Just finished, Arrested Dev, The Job, Undeclared, Over There, and other TV shows. A week of low work load, and high amount of free time, have allowed for lots of TV time. The mindlessness of it all, and the time for full 8 hour nights have resulted in an extremely clear head.

Clear enough to think about the path for 2006.

Same resolutions discovered during the 2005 break will carry on to the new year.

Simplicity, focus, humble, and effectiveness.  Work only 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, and take a total of 2 month off during the year.

Goals are still to start 1-3 new cash flow or trading type of business, that are less client service intensive and internet based. 1. Testing the VIP website, and finishing the 2. GDpro professional networking website is key for Jan. 3.Quick response for Modufab RFQ will be the next goal before the visits by potential buyers in April.

4. In the midst of the new activity, move Hsiehs Env, and find 2 more contracts, and 5. decorate the new apt for rental.

Personally, I will be cutting out drinking, and club going so I can continue to quit smoking. I will also need to reduce another 10 lbs in the next couple of month for the overall blood pressure/ pre diabetic improvements. That’s 1 lb/ week. Not smoking have brought back some of the appetite.

Still need to make an beginning of the year decision for a 25K preferred loan to a potential investment. But all other hobby projects for property, investment in F&B, are in the back burners. Advice for other people’s project will be kept to a manageable min until, my own projects have been completely vetted. For focus reasons, no action will be planned for anything else; interest in the film, education, game, and sponsorship will be on an information collection only basis.

On a spiritual level, I will need to adjust self worth, super ego, and balance for a 30ish man. Without hype, image, and self expansion associated with material possessions, importance, or perceived influence. The re-adjusted self image will be that of a man, who can travel alone without feeling lonely, who can date without having commitment phobia, who can operate a stable company without becoming bored or stifled, and someone who will put his health first before social and  peer obligations. 

This course of action has already been started March 2005, and will be continued to a satisfactory degree, suitable for a 40s maturity. It’s a refinement of personal growth. 20s are comfortably put away, and getting to a comfortable 40s is the goal.

At the same time, sky diving, scuba diving, vacations and more dates. T&L Discovery channel.

Finally, Summer of 2008, to go bi-coastal. Should be doable in 2006, with the support of my family.

An exciting year.